Random Thoughts at Work 12-3-08, or other reasons why I absolutely love my job, but hate certain people

* Why does "C" look like she's about to take flight every time she is telling a story? Those arms are flapping!

* Why does "C" constantly have to slam her hands down on the print table while she is talking and attempting to take flight?

* Perhaps slamming the table prevents the actual taking off process? Either way both are annoying as hell and I must walk away mid-sentence.

* Dear "C", if you print a document to the printer, or are making copies on said printer, and it stops mid-way, hitting the printer and swearing at it will not make it continue to print. Opening one of the drawers, however, and putting more paper in, will. Just so you know.

* Dear annoying dude who constantly walks in circles in the courtyard outside my door while smoking (every 30 minutes). You are fucking weird. Nobody wants to talk to you. You think you are hot shit with that blue-tooth dont'cha? You talk like Mike Tyson, have you been sucking helium? Most of us in the office avoid going outside if we see you out there. Please stop checking in my window while walking in circles to see if I am watching you. When you are out there, I hide in the back.

* Dear annoying dude who constantly walks in circles in the courtyard outside my door while smoking - bending down and picking weeds out of the cracks of the pavers does not a "landscape architect" make. Please stop telling me that is what you are. I know better.

* Dear "K" who works in the office across the courtyard. I know it was a little cold today, but it is Wednesday, the day of the week that you always wear the inappropriate white "Marilyn Monroe" dress to your office. No hard feelings, you are built like a linebacker and we always laugh at you anyway.

* Dear caller, if you call for someone and I tell you they are not in and "no, I do not have their schedule", do not ask me if I know of a better time to call because my next answer will be "never."

* Dear other caller, who has called every day for the past two months for the same person and has left a message for that person every time. Get a clue, they haven't called you back. They aren't going to. Stop calling. I stopped writing down the message 3 weeks ago.

* I have got to do something with these shoes I'm wearing because they are making my feet stink.

* Dear "M", when I tell you "so & so" is on the phone for you, do not ask me what they want. I do not know. Don't ask me why they didn't call your cell phone. I do not know, but they are on the phone right now, waiting for you to pick up. Do not give me a blank stare - either answer the damn call or I'll take a message.
mmmmmmm-kay?

* Dear UPS dude - it has been a year and a half. Please stop hitting on me now. Yes, I am still with the Oilybeauhunk. No, I don't want to "make him mad."

PS: why do UPS dudes always smell like a combination of my grandmother's attic and my mother's basement?

Overheard at work...

The superintendents are having their weekly meeting with the Director of Construction. It is 4pm in the afternoon. This is what I hear.........

"You don't understand, my cable is out."

"So, they can fix it tomorrow."

"No, there is a very important debate on tonight that I cannot miss."

"But it is on late, like 9pm."

"Well, maybe you should go to California, it will be on at 6pm there."

"You should leave now."

"Wait, maybe you should just go to Europe, it will already be over."


WTF????????? I work with these people.

This conversation is going in the right direction, No?

Typical afternoon conversation between myself and couple female co-workers. See if you can follow along.

* It started with J talking about her husband's inability to wear pants.

* Which segued into a discussion about whether or not we, as woman, see our significant others differently while suffering from PMS.

* Which segued into a discussion about anger...

* then angry sex...

* then drunk sex...

* then whiskey dick...

* to anal...

* and finally giardia.

The best part was when TP (of the male persuasion) waked in right in time for the segue from drunk sex to whiskey dick. He quickly settled in for the rest of the conversation - but said nothing.

Ask me about our conversations about threesomes. That show Swingtown has our heads spinning!