Eff you, Stormy

Is anyone familiar with this website< Because this is how I feel about Stormy, also known as laid back dog.

This dog is FAT. She can squeeze her fat ass *out* of the "doggy door", but it looks like a sausage going through the ringer. She cannot, however, get back in. Weird, I know.

There are times though, where she is lazy, and if you are anywhere near said doggy door, she will just stand there staring at it and wagging her tail, while looking back at you with a look on her face that says "um, open this door because there is some person or dog, or squirrel, or UFO, or Jehovah Witness, or GodIDontKnow, but there is something or someone that isn't really there that I must immediately wake up from a dead sleep and squeeze through that infernal cat/dog door to go bark at."

Getting back in is a whole different story because going out, she steps down about 4 inches, therefore trying to get back in, well, umm, she gets stuck. So she resorts to sticking her head in and out of the door. Good Lord, the head poking through the magnetic little door drives me effing batty. Head in, magnetic strip click, head out, magnetic strip clap, head in, magnetic strip click, head out, magnetic strip click clap, head in.......... you get the point.........

I often want to poke needles into my eyes because of the torture she puts me through with the Clicking.Oh.The.Clicking.

For the record, she hardly ever (read: never) (except for the other night) goes out in the middle of the night. Recently, one night, she had to make an emergency "evacuation" in the middle of the night. I heard her squeeze her fat ass through the kitty/doggy door and then fell back into a nice comfortable slumber. Until I was awoken to the sounds of a fucking bull in a china shop. Fatass, Stormy, tried to get back in through the door herself. By ramming it over and over. It doesn't work this way people. It sounded like a plane was crash landing on our house.

*BOOM* Stormy ramming the door
*BOOM* Stormy trying to break the door off it's hinges
overandoverandover until she busts her way through.

Her shoulders don't fit coming back in... this is a neverending story.

Kill me now - or just take the dog............please?

Poophenge

One of my dogs is as skittish as they come. Girlfriend is afraid of her own shadow. Evidently she is afraid of her own poop as well. When she has to take a shit, she assumes half of the position and then turns around to look at her butt, turning as the offending turds come out. This results in her own version of crop circles - or - "plop circles" - or - miniature poop stonehenges as seen in the most recent display. Did I mention, she prefers to display her art on the driveway instead of in the yard. It makes for better pictures. I pulled into the driveway the other day to find this. Unfortunately, I ran over the rest of the poophenge with my front tire, which left this last soldier standing....I will be more careful next time!







Bitch ain't right I tell ya! Here's another version... I took creative license with this one.