Showing posts with label Freaks in general. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Freaks in general. Show all posts

Friday, August 28, 2009

The Faerie Who was Kissed by the Pixies.

20 Years ago my friend and I got silly little tattoos on our ankles after an afternoon of drinking on the beach. I was so proud of my little red rose and thought I was pretty cool.

20 Years later, that bright little rose on my ankle is now a fading black/grey smudge.

My dear friend Lisa left me, her friends, and her family last month. (I'm not ready to write that story yet)

While cleaning out her apartment, I found a book of Faeries. Lisa loved faeries and that was evidenced by the plethora of them in and around her home.

Several pages of the book were earmarked with notations. She had wanted to get one of those faeries tattooed on her.

Since she was never able to do so before leaving this world, I made the ultimate decision to get one for her.

That little red rose that took all of fifteen minutes to get has got nothing on this bitch.

After 2 hours and 40 minutes I am now branded for life.

Or you could say I am branded for Lisa.

Behold the Faerie Who Was Kissed by the Pixies....

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Eff you, Stormy

Is anyone familiar with this website< Because this is how I feel about Stormy, also known as laid back dog.

This dog is FAT. She can squeeze her fat ass *out* of the "doggy door", but it looks like a sausage going through the ringer. She cannot, however, get back in. Weird, I know.

There are times though, where she is lazy, and if you are anywhere near said doggy door, she will just stand there staring at it and wagging her tail, while looking back at you with a look on her face that says "um, open this door because there is some person or dog, or squirrel, or UFO, or Jehovah Witness, or GodIDontKnow, but there is something or someone that isn't really there that I must immediately wake up from a dead sleep and squeeze through that infernal cat/dog door to go bark at."

Getting back in is a whole different story because going out, she steps down about 4 inches, therefore trying to get back in, well, umm, she gets stuck. So she resorts to sticking her head in and out of the door. Good Lord, the head poking through the magnetic little door drives me effing batty. Head in, magnetic strip click, head out, magnetic strip clap, head in, magnetic strip click, head out, magnetic strip click clap, head in.......... you get the point.........

I often want to poke needles into my eyes because of the torture she puts me through with the Clicking.Oh.The.Clicking.

For the record, she hardly ever (read: never) (except for the other night) goes out in the middle of the night. Recently, one night, she had to make an emergency "evacuation" in the middle of the night. I heard her squeeze her fat ass through the kitty/doggy door and then fell back into a nice comfortable slumber. Until I was awoken to the sounds of a fucking bull in a china shop. Fatass, Stormy, tried to get back in through the door herself. By ramming it over and over. It doesn't work this way people. It sounded like a plane was crash landing on our house.

*BOOM* Stormy ramming the door
*BOOM* Stormy trying to break the door off it's hinges
overandoverandover until she busts her way through.

Her shoulders don't fit coming back in... this is a neverending story.

Kill me now - or just take the dog............please?


Thursday, January 29, 2009

25 things you really don't want or need to know...

I keep getting these meme's on Facebook but would rather post it here. For obvious reasons. Yes Mistressmom, I am totally stealing your idea, and yes, my 25 things are not as sordid as yours, you horny little girl.....but my Mom reads this occasionally...




1. My son, Zane, named himself in a dream of mine when I was six months pregnant.

2. I have no memories before 6 years of age.

3. I once spent two weeks picking out a hair color before coloring my hair - I ended up coloring my hair the same color that my hair already was.

4. Dude, I say the word "dude", way too much, dude!

5. I found out the hard way that if you eat a whole bag of Flaming Hot Crunchy Cheetos you will shit red and then freak out because you think your ass is bleeding until you finally remember - a day later- that you ate said bag of Flaming Hot Crunchy Cheetos, which are, in fact, red.

6. My mother wouldn't let me get my ears pierced until I started my period, so one night while she was distracted getting ready for a date, I picked a scab on my knee and blotted the blood with my underwear. I got my ears pierced the next day.

7. I didn't actually start my period until a year later on a water ride at Crown Point, Indiana. (Embarassing and messy.)

8. I met the man of my dreams in the middle of a hurricane.

9. I have been to over 500 concerts in my life. (some big, some small) I am a rock whore.

10. Both of my nipples are pierced, but they were done 7 years apart.

11. I once spent a week in the woods of Savannah, GA. at a Pagan gathering. There were a lot of naked people and a lot of hallucinogens.

12. One of my best friends is a witch.

13. I used to show horses and was the National Champion for 6 years, State Champion for 7 years, and went to the World Championships twice.

14. I shared a bottle of champagne with William Shatner (The Shat, Captain Kirk) with no glasses - that's right, we swapped spit.

15. My college roommate and I watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure at least 100 times. No Way! Dude! (there may or may not have been a green, leafy substance involved)

16. I am the Chief of the Dirty Foot Tribe.

17. I once worked for a Junket Rep and escorted High Rollers to casinos in the Bahamas.

18. I saw one of those High Rollers lose $425,000 in thirty minutes on blackjack.

19. I once played blackjack at the $5,000 minimum bet table. (they weren't my chips)

20. I fell off/out of an airplane after one of the Bahama trips. (It was a pretty long fall - yes alcohol was involved)

21. If I could live, survive, and thrive in Key West without becoming a miserable bum, I would - 'cuz that place is FUN!

22. One of the guys I work with, and his wife, are active swingers. He isn't afraid to tell us, and she isn't afraid to put her tittays in our faces. Company parties (and non company since we are friends)are awkward.

23. I injure myself in pretty awesome ways on a regular basis.

24. I still remember my first kiss behind the neighbors garage with the dirty little boy who lived there. I do not, however, remember his name. He kinda looked like that kid from Stand By Me.

25. The toilet paper hangs OVER *not under*.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Good Lord you stubborn bastard...

So we got hooked on this show last year called Breaking Bad. If you didn't see it, you really missed out. It's on AMC and the website keeps saying that season 2 will be out in 2009. Originally it was supposed to air this coming Sunday. Apparently it has been delayed. The Oilybeauhunk insists that the damn show is on A&E, but people, let me assure you that it is on AMC. I even showed him the website and he is still in denial.

So anyway, it is all we are looking forward to, and now we have to wait.

It stars Bryan Cranston from Malcolm in the Middle fame, and believe you me, this character is much different..... (preview from last season)




Notice the "AMC" on the video? Yeah, NOT A&E!!! Anywrongchannel, the Oilybeauhunk and I are at an impasse about when this stupid awesome show is going to start - and obviously - what channel it will be on when it does.

Have any of you ever seen it? Are any of you fans? It is a g-r-e-a-t show! If you leave a comment, please remember to remind the Oilybeauhunk that AMC & A&E are two entirely different channels. :) okai thks

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Ain't Got Time For The Pain

Dear Internet People,
I have like 30 drafts sitting here, but things are hectic now, and I can't bear to go and proofread one so I leave you with this: One of the best days I've had in awhile!!!!!!!! and, and.....it leads to the next one which I promise will be funny!
































Coming next: "The Slow Pooper"
Believe it or not it ties in to this post, albeit in a slightly obscure way, but it is sure to make you chuckle.