Mystery solved! It's EYEBALLS!!!!!

So some of you might remember this post which may or may not have been too much information, but people this is some funny shit.

The Zanester was getting out of the shower the other night, and out of nowhere offered up some very important information.

"Do you know why it takes me so long to poop sometimes?"

"No, honey, I don't"

"They Bodder me."

"What bodders you honey?"

"Eyeballs"

he points to the floor where this sits



(sidebar - there is no cute little fluffy puppy in our bathroom)

"No problem, honey" I said, and threw the toilet paper under the sink.

"Now you should be fine."

"Nope." and he points to the area between the toilet and the sink cabinet....



(Eyeballs, people, eyeballs)

So I throw that under the sink as well.

"Well that should be it, right?"

"Nope." (and he points to the sink)



Yeah, that's right, he has a Spongebob Toothbrush....with eyeballs.

So we turn that around, and move the damn Dr. Seuss toothpaste to the side as well...because, well eyeballs



The pooping process has been much faster since then. Weird right? I know. But the EYEBALLS!!!! They BODDER him!!!

Did any of you feel like you were being watched when you were seven years old? Is this normal?


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Beetlejuice in my pocket....

I know it has been awhile, and I know it has only been about the Zanester lately, but this cannot go unpublished.

I picked him up from school today. We had the usual conversation about how his day was, and did he have any homework, yada yada yada.

All of a sudden....

"Ooooh, Mom!"

"Yes?"

"I have something for you in my pocket..."

Now I ask you my dear few readers, what do you think it was?

Was it a love note?

Was it a pretty drawing?

Was it a kiss or a hug?

NO.

This boy, this little love of mine had a pocket full of goodness.

A pocket full of joy.

A pocket full what every mom wants her beloved son to bring home to her....





That's right, beetles - seven of them to be exact.

What has your little sunshine brought home for you?


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More unfortunate conversations with the OilyBeauHunk....

So President Obama was in mah hood today. I watched the whole thing at work on my computer. My man took his little "hurricane TV" to work with him so he could watch in his Jeep at lunch. Did y'all see McDonald's boy? Good Lord.

So tonight, we were discussing the townhall meeting.

Man: I would have hit McDonald's boy square in the face and then raised my hand for a question.

me: OK, and then what?

Man: I would say, "Mr. President, what, exactly are you going to do with people like us whose home is worth less than half of their mortgage? "

me: He addressed that honey, he will be making a statement in the next two weeks about the mortgage crisis.

Man: Horseshit, I would raise my hand again and say "You are here in the foreclosure capital of the country to tell us what you are going to do, I want an answer now."

me: No, Honey, that is not exactly why he was here. He was here to talk about the stimulus package.

Man: What? Well then, that's when I would go batshit crazy -

me: (cutting him off) and that is when the Secret Service would escort you out swiftly and quietly.

Man: "Don't tase me bro!"


laughter..............

ps: Zane's big take on the day? "All those motorcycles were cool!"



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The "egg in my tummy" turns 7 today and he isn't any bigger

"Am I bigger?"

This is what the Great White Lizard Hunter asked me this morning, before he even opened his eyes.

"Am I bigger, Mom?"

"Get up and let's see."

He stands up and looks at me.

"I'm bigger right?"

"Not really, honey."

"But I'm seven, right?"

"You sure are honey, Happy Birthday."

"Then why I'm not bigger?"

***********************************************

That conversation went a little easier than the one we had last night before bed.

"I was an egg in your tummy, right?"

"Sure, honey, sort of."

"But how did I get to be a baby?"

uncomfortable silence.....
cue crickets chirping in background.....
He's turning seven for chrissake, who wants to have this conversation already?

"How did I get to be a baby Mom?"

"Um, your Dad had an egg and I had an egg and the two eggs together made a baby."

"Like scrambled eggs?"

"Yup"

We'll leave it at that for now.
Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink