Meandering Monday

To the other Mommy readers - Do you ever have one of those days, moments, hours, whatever, where your kid drives you absolutely b*o*n*k*e*r*s? I know the answer is yes, I just want to share my most recent one.

We were on our way to IHOP for breakfast. A once a in blue moon event. From the backseat there is a little voice.

"Mom? Why do love bugs stick their butts together?"

"And Mom? When do the love bugs show up?"

"And Mom? Can beetles poop?"

"And Mom? My friend says beetles eat their own poop."

"Mom? When do caterpillars come out?"

"I like caterpillars."

"And Mom?" Why do snails pee?"

"Mom? What is that yellow thingy?"

I kid you not people, all of these questions in a period of 10 minutes. CRAZY 7 year old boy minds.....

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At IHOP, a family was seated in the booth behind us. I overheard part of their order, and it went a little something like this:

man - "I'll have the (insert whatever omelet comes with salsa inside and on top) but I don't want any tomatoes."

waitress - "So, no salsa then?"

man - "No, I want the salsa, just no tomatoes."

me (and most likely the waitress) - "?"

Whatever peeps - Happy Monday!

His first attempt at a lie....sort of

It's been cold here lately. I sent Zane to school with a sweatshirt. When we got home last night, he went straight to his PSP and I went straight to his back pack to check homework, etc.

me - "Zane, where is the sweatshirt you wore to school?"

Zane from the other room... "You can see it on the 'puter."

me - "What?"

Zane - "On the 'puter, at school, you can see pictures."

me - "What are you talking about? Where is your sweatshirt?"

Zane - "Problee on the 'puter, they have cameras at school and you can see pictures of stuff."

me - "So, you lost your sweatshirt?

Zane - "Yeah"

me - "Short answers work best, honey."

Zane - "Huh?"

me - "Never mind."



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More unfortunate conversations with the OilyBeauHunk....

So President Obama was in mah hood today. I watched the whole thing at work on my computer. My man took his little "hurricane TV" to work with him so he could watch in his Jeep at lunch. Did y'all see McDonald's boy? Good Lord.

So tonight, we were discussing the townhall meeting.

Man: I would have hit McDonald's boy square in the face and then raised my hand for a question.

me: OK, and then what?

Man: I would say, "Mr. President, what, exactly are you going to do with people like us whose home is worth less than half of their mortgage? "

me: He addressed that honey, he will be making a statement in the next two weeks about the mortgage crisis.

Man: Horseshit, I would raise my hand again and say "You are here in the foreclosure capital of the country to tell us what you are going to do, I want an answer now."

me: No, Honey, that is not exactly why he was here. He was here to talk about the stimulus package.

Man: What? Well then, that's when I would go batshit crazy -

me: (cutting him off) and that is when the Secret Service would escort you out swiftly and quietly.

Man: "Don't tase me bro!"


laughter..............

ps: Zane's big take on the day? "All those motorcycles were cool!"



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Brain Fart - Yo!

Hi All!
This is my 100 year old cat Mad Hettie.




She is demonstrating how I feel right now - and she's doing it well.....




Poor kitteh.....



.

I am a major slacker and here are a few reasons why I suck ..

I have not been a very good blogger lately. I am so caught up in reading other people's shit, that I can't seem to write anything myself. That being said, I need to start carrying around a little notepad, because every single day something comes up that I can/should write about, but when I get home or get the chance, it all eludes me.

Then, of course, I could blog about the Zanester (GWLH) almost every day, but who wants to read that drivel day after day? (I'm sure you wouldn't mind, Mom) Although I must mention that his dinner request tonight was awesome: 1 pizza roll and 13 chicken fries.

Not to mention, a few months back, Holly, ran a "pay it forward" post/contest that I was one of the winners of, and I have yet to pay it forward. I really need to get my shit together.

If certain people weren't so damn entertaining, I could write something worthwhile. Not to mention I am also addicted to stupid awesome sites like Icanhazcheeseburger, failblog, passiveaggresivenotes, postsecret, cakewrecks, lovelylisting, dlisted, commonties, yousuckatcraigslist, whywomenhatemen, etc.

And then there is the following:

Sam just had a baby and her effing site crashed in the middle of everything.

Momofali's son just had surgery.

Mistressmom is going through some inner turmoil.

Of course there is FADKOG who is my hero.

And then, Bejewell who lost her beloved Simon and is at a loss for words, which brought me full circle to this

For some reason lately, I can't stop reading about other people's lives and still write about mine.

And finally, I tend to find myself much more clever when posting comments on someone else's blog than when I am writing my own post- so I guess I need to find my skin. (what the hell does that mean? GAH)

Bear/Bare(?) with me people, I know you are out there.....I will come back with something good. Please don't ditch me now!


What gives you writer's block? What makes your brain stop working, besides beer or illicit drugs? Who do you read that will inspire me or make me stop blogging altogether? I want to know....

The "egg in my tummy" turns 7 today and he isn't any bigger

"Am I bigger?"

This is what the Great White Lizard Hunter asked me this morning, before he even opened his eyes.

"Am I bigger, Mom?"

"Get up and let's see."

He stands up and looks at me.

"I'm bigger right?"

"Not really, honey."

"But I'm seven, right?"

"You sure are honey, Happy Birthday."

"Then why I'm not bigger?"

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That conversation went a little easier than the one we had last night before bed.

"I was an egg in your tummy, right?"

"Sure, honey, sort of."

"But how did I get to be a baby?"

uncomfortable silence.....
cue crickets chirping in background.....
He's turning seven for chrissake, who wants to have this conversation already?

"How did I get to be a baby Mom?"

"Um, your Dad had an egg and I had an egg and the two eggs together made a baby."

"Like scrambled eggs?"

"Yup"

We'll leave it at that for now.
Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink