Showing posts with label I'm a major slacker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I'm a major slacker. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

For Sam

Since this bitch keeps bugging me, I have to write something. So here it goes. It's gonna be lame, because I am drinking while watching Intervention (is that wrong?)
Things are whack. Based on my last post, which was monumental in itself, not unlike this one, (faceslap), it is obvious that I have a lot of things to say - problem is, I guess I am just not ready to say them. I can't really sit down to write anything....I have a lot of things in my head, but I cannot get them through the keyboard. So on that note:

* My Jeep still isn't fixed from the accident. It's drivable, but not fixed.
* My home is still in limbo.
* My dog is doing much better, and the stitches have healed, thank you.
* And my friend is still dead. (and I am still bitter)

Yay! Fun post right Sam? If you give me bacon-eating chickens, (inside joke, YO) I'll give you something with more bite!

On another note: I recently had a landmark birthday and all I got was some wrinkle cream, so THAT was awesome. Also, I rocked out with my cock out at the Judas Priest concert last Wednesday and can I just say that Rob Halford pretty much rules. Here's a gratuitous tailgate photo:




I'm the one who is lacking in the breasticle department....

Oooh and I also got a pretty freaking awesome tattoo (for my friend)... Perhaps that will be my next story. I could probably write about that!

So, thanks Sam for the kick in the ass. I feel better now, and my poor punctuation and overuse of ellipses is making me want to strive for more....

Namaste!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Hi!?! Anyone still there? (tap tap tap)

Sorry that I've been gone awhile. Here are a few reasons why....







Oh and then there is this whole thing hanging over our heads....




Then our sweet little Misty Girl had to have emergency surgery....




Oh and then my very best friend in the whole wide universe went and killed herself with absolutely no warning....




Needless to say, I've been a little pre-occupied. Will any of you still be here? Obviously, I have a lot of stories to tell......


Kaila

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Six signs I am failing as a mother...

It is becoming clear that I am lacking in my motherly skills to my just recently turned 7 year old boy. I am coming to this conclusion as evidenced by the following:


1. The Zanester has a new morning routine. It involves burping the alphabet, and then taking a bow, followed by a fart.

2. He has been on a steady diet for two weeks, eating only one of the following two items; Chef-Boy-R-Dee spaghettios with meatballs, or ravioli with meatballs. That is it.

3. He has begun to proclaim how much things "suck". Such as, "I don't want to play my game anymore, I'm sucking." Or while watching American Idol during tryouts, with the awful people, he would calmly announce that "She/he sucks."

4. When the dogs do something stupid, he proclaims that they are "an ass".

(side note, at least he isn't combining them and saying "SuckAss")

5. He doesn't/can't grasp the concept of washing his hands before he eats because, dude, your nails are black.

6. And finally, this morning, I watched in horror as he pulled a dirty ball of wax out of his ear, closely inspected it, and.Then.Put.It.Back.In.His.Ear....

Where did I go wrong?


.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Brain Fart - Yo!

Hi All!
This is my 100 year old cat Mad Hettie.




She is demonstrating how I feel right now - and she's doing it well.....




Poor kitteh.....



.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

25 things you really don't want or need to know...

I keep getting these meme's on Facebook but would rather post it here. For obvious reasons. Yes Mistressmom, I am totally stealing your idea, and yes, my 25 things are not as sordid as yours, you horny little girl.....but my Mom reads this occasionally...




1. My son, Zane, named himself in a dream of mine when I was six months pregnant.

2. I have no memories before 6 years of age.

3. I once spent two weeks picking out a hair color before coloring my hair - I ended up coloring my hair the same color that my hair already was.

4. Dude, I say the word "dude", way too much, dude!

5. I found out the hard way that if you eat a whole bag of Flaming Hot Crunchy Cheetos you will shit red and then freak out because you think your ass is bleeding until you finally remember - a day later- that you ate said bag of Flaming Hot Crunchy Cheetos, which are, in fact, red.

6. My mother wouldn't let me get my ears pierced until I started my period, so one night while she was distracted getting ready for a date, I picked a scab on my knee and blotted the blood with my underwear. I got my ears pierced the next day.

7. I didn't actually start my period until a year later on a water ride at Crown Point, Indiana. (Embarassing and messy.)

8. I met the man of my dreams in the middle of a hurricane.

9. I have been to over 500 concerts in my life. (some big, some small) I am a rock whore.

10. Both of my nipples are pierced, but they were done 7 years apart.

11. I once spent a week in the woods of Savannah, GA. at a Pagan gathering. There were a lot of naked people and a lot of hallucinogens.

12. One of my best friends is a witch.

13. I used to show horses and was the National Champion for 6 years, State Champion for 7 years, and went to the World Championships twice.

14. I shared a bottle of champagne with William Shatner (The Shat, Captain Kirk) with no glasses - that's right, we swapped spit.

15. My college roommate and I watched Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure at least 100 times. No Way! Dude! (there may or may not have been a green, leafy substance involved)

16. I am the Chief of the Dirty Foot Tribe.

17. I once worked for a Junket Rep and escorted High Rollers to casinos in the Bahamas.

18. I saw one of those High Rollers lose $425,000 in thirty minutes on blackjack.

19. I once played blackjack at the $5,000 minimum bet table. (they weren't my chips)

20. I fell off/out of an airplane after one of the Bahama trips. (It was a pretty long fall - yes alcohol was involved)

21. If I could live, survive, and thrive in Key West without becoming a miserable bum, I would - 'cuz that place is FUN!

22. One of the guys I work with, and his wife, are active swingers. He isn't afraid to tell us, and she isn't afraid to put her tittays in our faces. Company parties (and non company since we are friends)are awkward.

23. I injure myself in pretty awesome ways on a regular basis.

24. I still remember my first kiss behind the neighbors garage with the dirty little boy who lived there. I do not, however, remember his name. He kinda looked like that kid from Stand By Me.

25. The toilet paper hangs OVER *not under*.

Monday, January 26, 2009

I am a major slacker and here are a few reasons why I suck ..

I have not been a very good blogger lately. I am so caught up in reading other people's shit, that I can't seem to write anything myself. That being said, I need to start carrying around a little notepad, because every single day something comes up that I can/should write about, but when I get home or get the chance, it all eludes me.

Then, of course, I could blog about the Zanester (GWLH) almost every day, but who wants to read that drivel day after day? (I'm sure you wouldn't mind, Mom) Although I must mention that his dinner request tonight was awesome: 1 pizza roll and 13 chicken fries.

Not to mention, a few months back, Holly, ran a "pay it forward" post/contest that I was one of the winners of, and I have yet to pay it forward. I really need to get my shit together.

If certain people weren't so damn entertaining, I could write something worthwhile. Not to mention I am also addicted to stupid awesome sites like Icanhazcheeseburger, failblog, passiveaggresivenotes, postsecret, cakewrecks, lovelylisting, dlisted, commonties, yousuckatcraigslist, whywomenhatemen, etc.

And then there is the following:

Sam just had a baby and her effing site crashed in the middle of everything.

Momofali's son just had surgery.

Mistressmom is going through some inner turmoil.

Of course there is FADKOG who is my hero.

And then, Bejewell who lost her beloved Simon and is at a loss for words, which brought me full circle to this

For some reason lately, I can't stop reading about other people's lives and still write about mine.

And finally, I tend to find myself much more clever when posting comments on someone else's blog than when I am writing my own post- so I guess I need to find my skin. (what the hell does that mean? GAH)

Bear/Bare(?) with me people, I know you are out there.....I will come back with something good. Please don't ditch me now!


What gives you writer's block? What makes your brain stop working, besides beer or illicit drugs? Who do you read that will inspire me or make me stop blogging altogether? I want to know....